Some friends often come to me, telling me that they’d rather be an attendee than a servant. It always burned them out, they said. I couldn’t understand them, though. Serving at the community for me was never a burden. In fact, I always looked forward to practices and Sundays where I could serve. I always gave my 100% to all the ministries that I served. I considered every ministry a blessing and a chance to give God that pay back that He deserves. Never did I imagine that there would come a day that I finally be saying that serving finally becomes a burden.
Yes, I am again temporarily jobless, and yes, there is nothing left for me to do except lessen my mother’s worries by cleaning the house daily for her and to serve the community. And yes, I complain as if I have work and this service is an extra load to carry, but it feels like it is. It isn’t a blessing anymore, it’s a burden. I have to sacrifice so much. I miss out on having breakfast, mass, worship, and lunch with my parents. I miss out on being with them every Sunday. Instead of feeling extremely blessed and light, I feel so down and burdened. My mood only lightens when I see my parents walking in the session hall.
I ask God, “what do You want me to do next?” I don’t know what He is trying to tell me right now. I don’t know where He wants me to go. I remember Tito Bo telling me that God plants the desires deep within my heart… but my mother also told me that God sometimes leads us where we do not want to go. I honestly just want to let this service go and run into my parents’s arms and hide. But, sige, Lord, Your will be done. If it is indeed Your will, lighten my load.